


i hate you (but i don't mean it that way)

by yourhoshinthesky



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: #HOWOOnderland, #HOWOOnderlandFicFest, #HWFF, Alternate Universe - Not K-Pop Idols, Angst with a Happy Ending, I'll do better, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Mentioned Boo Seungkwan, Mentioned Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups, Mentioned Wen Jun Hui | Jun, Non-Linear Narrative, Strangers to Lovers, Unhealthy Relationships, jihoon kinda dislikes soonyoung at first
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:53:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27796483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourhoshinthesky/pseuds/yourhoshinthesky
Summary: Jihoon reminisces the times when everything used to be so perfect.
Relationships: Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 40
Collections: HOWOOnderland Fic Fest





	i hate you (but i don't mean it that way)

**Author's Note:**

> I swear to the gods that I write better than this. But school was becoming a hindrance and i literally wrote this on a whim i was crying HSHSSHHSSimsosorry.
> 
> lmao shoutout to [Dinoyology](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dinoyology/pseuds/dinoyology) for, like, idk being supportive and introducing me into this fic fest. it's my first time joining and i had a looooot of fun :'(
> 
> But anyway, this is my official entry for the HOWOOnderland Fic Fest, I hope you enjoy!

Honestly, Jihoon dreaded Soonyoung.  
  
It was spring, and they were fifteen. Just little kids finally experiencing the feeling of being a high school student. Jihoon was ecstatic that day. His dad got him new shoes to wear for “surviving” his first week at a new school. To him, it wasn’t so hard trying to fit in; he didn’t have to, anyway, he’s got Junhui (aka his best friend since elementary) to go to lunch with, and he really has nothing to think about besides studying and being able to play with a guitar in this music club he attends in.  
  
Everything was going swell! The weather was great, the walk to school was peaceful, he was fifteen minutes early before homeroom started—but the mistake he made was taking shade under a tree during lunch. He was trying to wait for Junhui by the bench, but by that time, the sun was scorching, so he moved over to take shade by a nearby tree.  
  
Nobody was going to expect someone to fall from the sky, right?  
  
But Jihoon met Soonyoung when the latter fell off that very tree (okay, it wasn’t the sky). It wasn’t the kind where everything went in slow motion, like the ones you see in movies. But if Jihoon could possibly rewind everything and play it in slow motion, he’d love to see what face Soonyoung had before he fell on the patch of wet mud. And just like that, right before he was about to let out a loud cackle, he looked down, and his field of vision caught his newly-bought shoes splattered with it.  
  
Oh, fuck, he thought. His look of horror was then replaced with rage when he met eyes with the male half of his face was covered in muck, and white uniform stained—gravely. But amidst the very unsettling situation, he still had the energy to beam at Jihoon.  
  
“Hey, I’m sorry did you get mud on—oh,” Soonyoung must have forgotten that he had mud all over half of his body for him to literally use the hand smeared with mud to cover his mouth. “Wait,” he stood up, “Let me fix myself for a moment and I’ll help clean your shoes.”  
  
Jihoon couldn’t even comprehend anything Soonyoung was saying. Call it petty, but things were going quite well, until this guy fell from the fucking tree—in which nobody knew why, Jihoon won’t even ask—and ruined his shoes. He turned his head sideways when he heard footsteps approaching him and the familiar sound of his best friend calling his name. He left Soonyoung there to go to Junhui.  
  
The remaining time left for lunch made Jihoon ponder on who that person was. He at least wanted to know who ruined his almost-perfect day so he can avoid them the next time. The metals around the male’s teeth were all that he could remember, and it hit him. There was this popular first-year whom everyone practically adores.  
  
Kwon Soonyoung. Ah, everyone knows Kwon Soonyoung.  
  
Jihoon broke his plastic spoon upon finally learning his name. Junhui stared at him, fork in mouth, before beginning to chew. It was best to ignore his friend for the time being in situations like this.  
  
  
Jihoon’s defense mechanism was, obviously, to make him go away. But Soonyoung, like some human personification of superglue, clung onto Jihoon every day whenever he sees him around the hallways. Of course, the shorter male tries his best to pretend he doesn’t hear him. On bad days, he pretends Kwon Soonyoung does not even exist.  
  
And with that, Soonyoung unintentionally picked up the habit of calling Jihoon (“Jihoon, Jihoon, Jihoon!” It always takes him three Jihoon’s for the male to get his attention) the moment he found out his full name.  
  
“We’re not even close,” Jihoon complains one Friday afternoon, lunchtime, Junhui just across the table. He sips his apple juice with great force. “He yelled my name from the second floor when he saw me playing baseball by the field.”  
  
“Why don’t you just talk to him? He seems nice,” Junhui retorts. “Maybe he just wanted to talk about the incident last week. And, god’s sake, Jihoon, it was just mud on your shoes. You didn’t even get in trouble for it.”  
  
Jihoon rolls his eyes. “He’s too loud. He’s a literal walking embarrassment, he’s always in places people shouldn’t be in? Like, why the hell was he even on top of a tree?”  
  
“I don’t know, talk to him.”  
  
“I’m _not_ talking to him.”  
  
And at this point, months passed and nobody had any apparent idea why Soonyoung continued pestering Jihoon.  
  
Finals week came, and Jihoon was slowly becoming used to the way Soonyoung would call for his name every time they would pass by the hallways. But today, instead of pretending Soonyoung wasn’t there, he looked at him straight into the eye and answered: “What?”  
  
God, that sounded like music to Soonyoung’s ears. If he were to be honest, that was the first time he actually heard the male talk. His eyes grew big, and Jihoon was sure as hell they gave out the slightest bit of glimmer as if acknowledging the other’s existence meant something for him.  
  
“If you’re able to top me in this week’s test, I’ll even ask you out to lunch,” he never knew how those words of his actually held so much meaning.  
  
Jihoon wasn’t a top student, nor was he lagging. He was average and still something his parents can be proud of, so to say. Jihoon assumed Soonyoung to be one of those people who work their butt off but always ends up clinging onto the _cliff of passing scores_. One more mistake could make the tip crumble in his touch, and he ends up falling into the sea of failure.  
  
  
Okay, Jihoon might have underestimated Soonyoung too much. It wasn’t easy getting the leak of the class standing for their whole batch, but Jihoon was good friends with his homeroom teacher and got a quick look at the list. His eyes squinted, carefully examining every name until his eyes landed on Kwon Soonyoung. _What the fuck?_ He read all the names before Soonyoung’s again—there was no sign of Lee Jihoon anywhere.  
  
He read the paper again, and again, and again, maybe a total of five times before he was convinced that his name wasn’t on top of Soonyoung’s. He then started moving down a few names, each one that wasn’t his felt like someone was picking out the pieces of his heart as he comes to a realization that he had already lost the bet. He found his after six names; there was a five-point margin between his and Soonyoung’s scores. Apparently, he was really good at literature.  
  
And apparently, he was whipped for the cafeteria’s kimchi. Jihoon had no idea why he noted that in his head.  
  
Basically, that’s how their friendship flourished. Jihoon, for the life of him, cannot pinpoint how he got used to Soonyoung’s presence—something that used to be a nuisance to him was now what he would frequently search for every school day. And none of them realized when everything turned into something most would call love.  
  
A smile pulled the corner of Jihoon’s lips up, his hand making its way to cover his face as he thinks of how stupid it seems to be looking back into the past. Then he found himself biting the bottom of his lip, his face transitioning into a more gloomy expression as his train of thoughts begin traveling all the way to the present, where everything just hasn’t been doing so good.  
  
  
Everything was going according to plan. Just as Soonyoung requested, Seungcheol—Jihoon’s manager—was able to get his boyfriend out of the studio hours before the usual so he could let his friends slip in with him to decorate the place ever so slightly as not to move anything, knowing all too well how Jihoon’s going to flip if he realizes anything was moved even a millimeter away from how it’s fixed. Soonyoung was planning on a surprise party for their 6th anniversary.  
  
Half an hour later, Soonyoung decided to leave his friends to finish as he fixes himself to pick Jihoon up from their apartment. Anxiety suddenly hit him upon opening his conversation with Jihoon on his phone. Things didn’t go so well last night—things haven’t been doing so well for months since his promotion. There were so many “next time’s” and broken promises. Birthdays weren’t spent right, and they both know about this. They know all too well without even using words—but when words are the only things that could fix this, they seem to fail to speak up.  
  
He opened the door and was taken aback by the loud sound of pitter-patter from the rain. Dark clouds loom over the city, a “shit” rolling out of his tongue when he saw the traffic by the road. Taxi options checked out. The apartment was a good 15-minute walk, but with no umbrella to protect him from the rain—  
  
Guess he’s going to run.  
  
  
Soonyoung was late. Really late. He usually goes home earlier than Jihoon, so it concerned how he still wasn’t home. So when he heard the door open, welcoming his drenched boyfriend, Jihoon’s eyes lit up, and he beamed.  
  
“Soonie,” he expected a hug or a kiss, or anything intimate since today was their special day. But disappointment fills him as Soonyoung only passed him to get a towel to dry his hair.  
  
“Hey, Jihoonie, I think I left something in your studio the other day,” Soonyoung started, trying to wipe away the smile that was trying to show on his face. “Can we go there so I can go get it? It’s for work and it’s—”  
  
“What’s today?”  
  
“Hm?” Act normal, Soonyoung. “A Friday.”  
  
Jihoon scoffed, a smile of disbelief plastered on his lips. “Seriously? A Friday, Soonyoung?” He paced back and forth for a few seconds as if trying to keep his rage in, composing himself.  
  
Soonyoung bit the bottom of his lip, anxious.  
  
“Soonyoung, I’m—honestly, I’m so tired of all your broken promises and your shortcomings,” Jihoon heaved a sigh. His hands moved over to cover his face (secretly and stealthily trying to wipe the tears forming on the corners of his eyes. He flips his long bangs as an excuse for his gesture.). “I think I’ve been a good boyfriend, right? I’ve always been there for you, but why is it—why is it that when it comes to me, all you’ve been doing recently is breaking my heart?”  
  
Soonyoung stood there, dumbfounded. His heart felt like being squeezed and juiced dry. It hurt. He knew well that he hadn’t been the best lately, but the pain inflicted by Jihoon’s words was too much. It really was too much when your boyfriend says it to your face.  
  
It hurt more seeing his tears fall down and he has no idea how to stop them. He never made Jihoon cry sad tears before. Never.  
  
“Jihoonie, I—”  
  
“And I wanted everything to fucking pass,” Jihoon cut him off, not finished with what he has to say. “I thought maybe when our anniversary comes, we could celebrate it and talk about things, fix all _this_ that’s been keeping us apart these past few months. I know that you know we haven’t been doing well lately.”  
  
He looks at how his boyfriend stares down on the ground, completely speechless. It angered him more that he didn’t even have anything to say about it. “God, Soonyoung. God, I’ve put up with these months but to know you actually forgot our anniversary hurts me more that I can’t even stand seeing you right now.” He wiped his tears with his arm before beginning to storm off. Soonyoung caught up to him and held his wrist tight in an attempt to stop him from leaving.  
  
“Jihoonie, wait. Please—”  
  
“I fucking hate you right now, please,” the way his voice cracked and the sight of him crying made Soonyoung’s grip loosen. His whole body froze to think that he hurt Jihoon that way. All he could do was blink and watch Jihoon leave. The door was left wide open, the view of the storm still in sight. He felt chills around his whole body, but he only bothered to think about how long the rain was going to be and how he hoped that Jihoon would be able to settle somewhere safely.  
  
Hot tears began to fall on his cheeks, and that was the only time his body shivered, finally remembering how cold it was from when he ran all the way to where he was standing right now. He wiped all of the tears away, but they seem to continue coming nonetheless, so he gave up and began changing into dry clothes.  
  
He lay down in bed, crying himself to sleep as he could not believe he would spend their 6th anniversary alone like this.  
  
Focusing on Jihoon, he spent his night in Junhui’s apartment. Knowing his best friend, Junhui made sure he wouldn’t talk about anything last night and helped him prep up for bed by letting him eat dinner and fixing the couch for him to sleep in. Junhui even turned on Netflix to let him watch his favorite Marvel movies. Jihoon fluttered his eyes to sleep after the third one—thankfully, Junhui thought.  
  
When morning came, Jihoon was surprised to see breakfast already on the table with Junhui waiting for him. His best friend could not help but let out a snicker at the sight of his red puffy eyes that made him look like his eyes were almost completely closed.  
  
“Fuck you,” Jihoon could only mumble.  
  
Junhui perfectly knew that this was the right time to talk about the incident last night, so he brought it up. It was a big relief that Jihoon was willing to talk about it.  
  
“You know,” he swallows his food. “I was in on the plan. Soonyoung was going to make some kind of surprise party or something—we decorated your studio and all that shit. He was supposed to pick you up that night.”  
  
Jihoon didn’t utter a sound.  
  
“Jihoon, I think you should go back home and talk to him.”  
  
Then, tears began to fall once again when he remembered all the words he let go right in front of Soonyoung. His hand shook, failing to keep ahold of the chopsticks. “Jun…” Was all he could muster as of the moment. His best friend ran to get tissues.  
  
“I—I didn’t mean all those things,” he starts to blabber.” I’m sorry, I love him. Jun, fuck, I love him. I don’t want to lose Soonyoung.”  
  
_I love you_. Soonyoung grew used to never actually hearing those words come out of Jihoon’s mouth besides when he sings him songs. If he could have heard him say those words now, he’d be over the top celebrating or something.  
  
Junhui sighed and wiped the snot coming out of Jihoon’s nose. “Finish breakfast first and go take a bath before going home, okay?”  
  
Jihoon runs back home, literally, after hearing from Seungkwan that Soonyoung was sick. He opened the door and immediately saw his boyfriend lying in bed, shivering amidst the thick blanket wrapped around him. He walked over to him slowly, numerous “I’m sorry’s,” he muttered, tears rolling down once again. He held his hand, raising it so he could kiss the back of it. Soonyoung’s eyes flutter open from the gesture.  
  
He smiled, seeing his precious boyfriend right in front of him. “Jihoonie,” his weak voice could only muster.  
  
“Soonyoung, I’m so sorry,” Jihoon pressed Soonyoung’s palm on his face, kissing it again. “I didn’t mean what I said.” His voice cracked.  
  
Soonyoung’s smile grew wider. He moved his hand to touch Jihoon’s cheek, wiping a tear away with his thumb. “You didn’t lie, though. Everything’s been hard recently, and I understood where you were coming from,” he retorted, moving his hand to pull on Jihoon’s wrist, gesturing him to lean in more, to come closer. “That’s why I wanted to surprise you yesterday. I wanted to make it extra special.”  
  
“I’m sorry, Soonie.”  
  
“Stop apologizing, love,” He reached the top of Jihoon’s head to caress it carefully. Then he chuckles, “It doesn’t fit you.”  
  
Soonyoung sat up and began rummaging his hand inside the cabinet on the bedside. He took out a small box and showed it to Jihoon, a big childlike smile plastered on his face. “Surprise!” He managed to exclaim.  
  
Box. It’s just a small box, Jihoon thought to himself, wide-eyed and obviously denying what it really was. Soonyoung was very aware of this just by the expression he was giving, so the male opened the box and showed him the ring inside. “There, now you won’t deny what it really is.” He chuckled.  
  
“Jihoonie, I love you. I know I’ve been such an ass recently for neglecting you, how I haven’t been noticing how you’ve been feeling because I was so preoccupied with other things when I should have been checking on you from time to time,” He held Jihoon’s hand with his free hand, squeezing it tightly. “But even so, I’m so thankful you managed to stay after all that. And I’m so _fucking thankful_ you came back to me. I thought you weren’t coming anymore.”  
  
Nothing but Jihoon’s cries could be heard inside their small apartment. He squeezed his hand back, intertwining them to let Soonyoung know he was on the same page; he just couldn’t muster words as of the moment.  
  
Soonyoung hummed in response to his boyfriend's gesture and continued, “Jihoonie, my love, I’ve been faltering lately. I know this isn’t really the best time to say this, but I promise I’ll be better. We’ll be better. Things are never perfect, but I want you to know that I am willing to stay whatever happens.”  
  
“I’m sorry I hurt you, baby, but for now, let me ask you this question,” Jihoon leaned in to let their foreheads touch. Soonyoung closed his eyes, smiling.  
  
“Jihoon, will you marry me?”  
  
Jihoon sniffed as if on cue from Soonyoung’s words. He let his nose brush against his, tears streaming down his cheeks. He closed his eyes and breathed in.  
  
“I hate you…”  
  
Soonyoung chuckles, brushing his hair. “You always hate me.”  
  
“No, I don’t mean it that way,” Jihoon replies. He cupped his boyfriend’s cheeks to kiss the tip of his nose, and then his forehead. Soonyoung could have kissed those lips of his immediately, but he was sick, and he knew better than to get Jihoon sick.  
  
“I love you, Soonie. Yes, I’ll marry you.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you were able to come all the way here to the end, thank you, thank you, thank you SO MUCH for reading! It really means a lot and although this fic is super rushed, I wrote this with so much love ;-; i had more plans for this fic but the clock was ticking im seriously so disappointed yet so happy i finished on time SHSHSHSHSHS ahhh whatever
> 
> I'll probably edit this in the future because I'm still very unsatisfied with how this came out. but for now, this is all i can muster. i'll let school k-word me for now :'D but i'll be back writing soon!!


End file.
